Friday, November 12, 2010

What if... in Ancient Rome

Awfully busy day today, so I'm afraid I don't have a proper post, just a series of what ifs. Here goes.

What if...

Ancient Romans had Caesar salad?

They'd call it Cato salad. Caesar deserves at least a McCaesar.

The letters of Agrippina (Nero's mother) survived to this day?

We'd be reading The Vagina Monologues in Latin.

Romans discovered America?

We'd have a president named Barack Augustus Caesar Parthicus Obama right now.

They had chocolate? (since they had already discovered America)

We'd read in Tacitus' Histories about the joyful years of Nero and the golden era of Domitian. Seriously, give the man a candy bar and watch the whole historical perspective shift.

They had tobacco and cigarettes? (since they had already discovered America)

We'd have a cure for lung cancer by now.

They had tomatoes? (since they had already... you get the point)

They'd make ketchup. Duh.

They had television?

Special effects would not exist. They'd use real blood, real corpses, real zombies, and you know that stuff about “no animals were harmed during the production”? Get real.

Romans went to the Moon?

They'd built aqueducts and thus the Moon would have water today.